As I last reported yesterday, I had only 6 hrs of sleep in 5 days. Well, after getting 6 hrs of sleep in ONE NIGHT, it’s helped me tons. Being a part time smoker doesn’t help either. But my motivation factor has gone up 1000 percent. And that’s adding to the list a lost consulting client that I’ve had to deal with. But I got through it and already have two other leads. As far as an update on where things are with losing my girlfriend last week, it’s still painful. But I want to get myself back into life and enjoy what it has to offer. I’ll be honest. I really want her back, and I have realized the patience that she endured with putting up with me. But the future is unwritten and I want to focus on being the person I miss…. the one who laughs at funny stuff, who makes people laugh, who is able to not be dependent on others for his happiness, but one who wants to be with someone. It’s like the Cinderella song “don’t know what you’ve got ’till it’s gone” I never really liked that song, but it’s been going through my head this last week. And I can tell you, I don’t want to learn that lesson in life anymore. Just want to focus on getting it all back and being the Marty that everyone remembers. I just want to make this a lasting change and not one I have to repeat often. Oh, another song I’ve been listening to that I do like, is by Crazy Town. Hated “Butterfly” with a passion and they sucked at Ozzfest 2001. But it’s called “Change” on their new album “Darkhorse” If you hated that goddamn butterfly song, you should give the new album a listen. It’s on sale at Target for $10 this week and it’s not bad. And I’m pretty bad about writing off bands that I tire of. But an open mind changed that. If anyone wants to drop me a line, feel free. My email address is off my web page ChillyWilly.org
A quick update on the new Zwan CD. I really like it. It’s a lot like Smashing Pumpkins, but different in a progressive sort of way. Listened to it twice so far and I have no doubt it’s going to be in my car for the next while.
I do have something positive to post. The new Zwan CD comes out tomorrow. As a big Smashing Pumpkins fan, I’ve been looking forward to this release since I read about their first show in Pomona, CA. I happen to think Billy Corgan is an awesome musician and I’m excited to hear the official songs (not the fucked up bootlegs out on Kazaa). I’ll be sure to detail my listening review of the CD. Yeah!!
My guess is that people may be tired of reading all of the shit that goes on in my life, but hey… this is a blog and I’m going to post what’s going on. Last week, my girlfriend and I called it quits (officially). A short history… we met in April of 2001, started dating in July and I moved in with her in Sept. Oct of 2001, I lost my job, but we made it ok. My daughter got along with her at first, but the relationship there went south eventually. I moved out in Sept of 2002 (too much negative in my life and it was affecting our relationship)… we still dated, but last week, she called me and wanted to talk about us. So we parted, but are still friends. It’s weird because I knew things had changed after I moved out, and I’m still trying to just take care of myself and get back to being a fun person to be around. But as we talked last Wed., she was starting to dread talking to me (which I understand… I’m not the most exciting person lately… I’m getting better, but it does take some time). And with all of the positives that are going on in her life, we decided that it was for the best. The weird part about this is that now that’s it’s official, it hurts more than I expected it to. Which proves to me that my feelings were strong still…. otherwise I wouldn’t have taken it so hard these last 5 days. Sleep is something I need… in a bad way. I’ve only logged maybe 6 hrs since Wed night and it’s taken a HUGE ASS toll on my thinking and ability to function during the day. I’m tired, but my dreams have been so bizzare and dealing with all that’s happened. We probably won’t see eachother until the end of March when her friend leaves for the military… which is good thing since it will give me some time to get over these breakdown points… and most importantly… GET MORE SLEEP!! So for now, I have no plans for a LOOOONNNGGG time to inflict myself on anyone in any kind of relationship. I’m too respectful of people’s lives. So enough bitching. Time to get to bed. Maybe in a few days, I’ll update on my sleep progress.
No one is probably more glad to see 2002 come to a close. While there were some good things that happened last year, it was more than outweighed by so much kaos that it was so much easier to write it off and set my sights on 2003. So far, this year is going better. I can tell you that I am forever grateful for my mom and her support (both emotional and financial). Thanks to her, Christmas worked out great and I was able to spend some time with her. As far as business goes, it’s going good, just slow. Need more clients to see my financial mess get cleaned up. But no complaints as I’ve got 5 other friends in the IT industry that are out of work and have very little to no options for money coming in. I named my company Penguin Bytes (not really geared towards the Linux OS, but I do support it). The name is more along the lines of my love for penguins (ChillyWilly should make that obvious). I am also working with a friend of mine who has a company – Aitrus Telcom. If it works, I’ll transition my clients to Aitrus and then keep Penguin Bytes for misc. jobs and for starting my writing career. More updates later. thanks for reading my rumblings.